effectivecommunications4.htm

When you bear in mind that 93% of all communication is down to the tonality of your voice and your body language, building rapport is far more than just talking about common experiences.

It’s an important point to remember but people like people when they are like themselves and when they are not it so much more difficult to have any sort of relationship with that person never mind an effective one!

Have you ever had times in your past when building rapport was so easy?

I bet you’ve also had times when you thought, “Oh, what am I going to do and say next?”

We have all been there!

We have also all been there when you’ve wanted to be quiet and relaxed when all of a sudden a friend or colleague comes jumping in and full of energy, wanting to talk your head off? How did you feel?

I bet there have also been times when you’ve been full of energy and the other person wants to relax! You go arrggghhhhh!

Ok, so let’s get to the 6 things you need to do to build rapport.

1. Match the persons sensory modality

What I mean here is to match and mirror the way that they think and talk.

Remember when we were talking about visual, auditory and kinesthetic modalities?

Well, this is about putting it into practice.

Listen for the indicator words that the person is using and use words/phrases from the same modality.

Also, look out for eye movements to spot thinking patterns.

2. Mirror the persons Physiology

By copying the persons posture, facial expressions, hand gestures, movements and even their eye blinking, will cause their body to say unconsciously to their mind that this person is like me!

3. Matching their voice

You should match the tone, tempo, timbre and the volume of the person’s voice.

You should also make use of matching the key words that they use a lot.

Examples of this may be: “Alright”, “Actually”, “You know what I mean”

4. Matching their breathing

You should match the persons breathing to the same pace. Matching the in and out breath.

5. Matching how they deal with information

You should match persons CHUNK SIZE of how they deal with information.

For example are they detailed or do they talk and think in big pictures.

If you get this wrong you will find it very difficult indeed to build rapport as the detailed person will be yearning for more information and the big picture person will soon be yawning!

6. Matching common experiences

After all, what are you going to talk about!

This is all about finding some commonality to talk about. Matching experiences, interests, backgrounds, values and beliefs.
One point to bare in mind is that you need to be subtle when you are matching and mirroring. Don’t go over the top!

Typically however, the other person will be focussing so much on what they have to say that they will not even notice.

Calibration is one way of determining whether you are in rapport with someone.

This basically means that you need to develop your ability to notice to such an extent that you can begin to see people’s reactions to communications.

If the person seems to be comfortable with what you are doing, more than likely you are building rapport.

Look at for their eye movement, the muscles around the eyes, their lip movement, and twitches or changes in breathing.

Increasing levels of rapport

| Matching Modalities

Matching the persons physiology

Matching their voice

Matching their breathing patterns

Matching how they deal with information

|
Chunk Size

Matching common experiences

MEGA RAPPORT LEVELS!!!!!!!!

So test it all out!

Next time is all about HOW TO MAKE SMALL TALK with people!

It will be an enlightening experience believe me!

Sean

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