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Effective Communications Ecourse
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| PART 2 Understanding the world of others |
PART 3 |
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| PART 4 |
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PART 6 |
| PART 2 Understanding the world of others
Welcome to Part 2. During this module and the next we are going to look into HOW people think the way that they DO and how YOU should tailor your communication style to meet their view of the world!
As we mentioned in a previous chapter meta programmes are an internal filter that we pass information through. They are specifically related to the way that we sort and categorise information. Knowing someone’s meta programmes allows you to predict their actions but please note that there are no right or wrong meta programmes. There are many meta programmes but let’s go through the top 6 that are used in everyday and business contexts.
TOWARDS/AWAY Towards people are always striving to achieve an outcome. They always want to move towards something. They want to achieve a certain outcome or goal and find it difficult to recognise what should be avoided. Instead they concentrate and focus on what they will get when the outcome is achieved. Other the other hand, Away from people do things because they want to avoid a certain situation. They don’t want to experience loss or discomfort and want to move away from something. Question?
How do you know what type of person they are? What do you want? What will having xyz give you? What do you want in xyz? What their response will tell you: Toward
people will tell you what they want. Using this in the real world: How to communicate to people who have a TOWARDS and AWAY FROM strategy. In Negotiations with these people: Towards Work out what the goals are and what you can do to help achieve these goals. Focus on the outcome and what it will give you. Away Work out what you can do to help them avoid what they don’t want. Work out and anticipate potential problems and assure them that these can be minimised or avoided. In Managing these people: Towards Offer incentives, i.e an outcome. Emphasis goals and what they can achieve and attain. Away Use sanctions. Be aware that these people are usually the ones to bring up problems. Influencing Language Towards Get, achieve, attain, include, obtain, have, wants Away Not have, avoid, don’t want, keep away from, get rid of, FRAME OF REFERENCE The second major meta programme is your frame of reference. This is all about how people evaluate things and can be split out into two:
Internal People evaluate on the basis of what they think is appropriate. They make all of the decisions themselves and can have difficulty in accepting other people’s feedback and direction. External People evaluate on the basis of what other people think is appropriate. They need others to help guide, direct and motivate them. They cannot decide for themselves that they need external references. Question?
How do you know what type of person they are? How do you know that you have done a good job? How do you know that …….? What their response will tell you: Internal
people will tell you that they decide when they’ve done a good
job. Using this in the real world: In Negotiations with these people: Internal Emphasise to the person that they will know inside that you are right. Say that they have to decide. Don’t bother about external factors or what other people think, they will not be interested in this. External Emphasise what others think. Give them data and information to back things up. Give them feedback and reassurance. In Managing these people: Internal These people have difficulty in accepted feedback or praise. They like to decide for themselves and don’t like to be told what to do. They do best when they have little or no supervision.
These people need close management. They need constant feedback and re-assurance about how well they are doing. They need to be told what to do, how to do it and how well they are doing it. Influencing language Internal You know best, you’ll know when it’s right, only you can decide, it’s up to you External Can I give you some feedback, I will let you know, the facts show, other people think that, SAMENESS/DIFFERENCE This meta programme is all about people’s perceptions of likeness and differences. There are 4 main categories with this: Sameness People will notice those things that are the same or match their previous experiences. They dislike change. Sameness with exception people will first notice the similarities and will then notice the differences. They prefer slow or gradual change. Difference with exception people will notice the differences and then the similarities. They like change and variety. Difference people will notice those things that are different. They love change and want it all of the time. Question?
How do you know what type of person they are? What is the relationship between these three objects? What is the relationship between this X and a previous Y? What their response will tell you: Sameness
People will tell you how things are the same. Using this in the real world: In Negotiations with these people: Sameness Stress areas of agreement. Do not discuss differences. Discuss areas of similarities, how you both want the same thing. Sameness with exception First stress similarities and then point out the differences. Talk about change as a gradual slow process. Difference with exception First stress how things are different and only then talk about similarities. Focus on change and new solutions
Stress how things are totally different. Do not mention similarities. Talk in terms of massive change and revolutionary. In Managing these people: Sameness Don’t talk about variety. Talk about continuity. Have them do things the same way. Sameness with exception Talk about gradual improvements. Make change a gradual process. Have them do the same things but with gradual improvements and changes Difference with exception Emphasis improvements and changes and downplay commonality. Stress different ways to do the job and make changes frequently. Difference Talk about the differences. Have them do something new all the time. These people will get bored at repetitive tasks.
Sameness Same, same as, maintain, keep doing, in common, keep the same, usual Sameness with exception Better, more, less, gradual, although, but, same except. Difference with exception Different, new, changed, change, unusual, Difference Different, new, radical, unique, revolutionary, REASON The reason meta programme is all about peoples opinions towards making choices, developing options and following procedures. Options People are very good at developing choices. They want to experiment and are therefore poor at following rules. They are very good at making improvements and developing new procedures or alternatives to old ones. Procedures people are good at following procedures, but they do not know how to generate them. When they have not got a procedure to follow, they become stuck. Question?
How do you know what type of person they are? Why did you choose xyz? What their response will tell you: Options
people will give you the reasons why they did it. Using this in the real world: In Negotiations with these people:
Concentrate on the choices and possibilities. Discuss all the options. Do not follow a fixed procedure for the negotiation. Procedures People Lay out a procedure for the negotiation. Don’t provide them with options or choices and don’t expect them to decide on alternatives. In Managing these people: Options People Talk about the possibilities and alternatives. Tell them to think of new ways. Do not expect them to follow routines. Make sure that they do not violate procedures Procedures People Stress the procedures to do the work. Make sure there are procedures in place and that the person understands them. Be prepared to assist if the procedure fails. Influencing Language Options Alternatives, reasons, options, choices, possibilities Procedures Correct way, procedure, known way, right way, proven way, CHUNK SIZE People can be categorised into two when it comes down to details. They are either a detailed person (specific person) or they prefer large chunks of information (global person). Specific People give you all the small details. They like to understand and go into pieces of work with the minutest of detail. Global People like to talk in big pictures and are not detailed at all. They are conceptual and abstract. The give you the overall framework or brief of what is happening rather than going into details. You know when someone is specific and when someone is global just by asking them any question! What their response will tell you: Specific
people will give you all the details and go to great lengths to explain
everything. They give you more and more detail when you ask questions.
Specific people become frustrated with Global People because there is
no detail in what they say. Using this in the real world: In Negotiations with these people: Specific Avoid generalisations and vagueness. Break things down into the detail and be specific. Present things in logical sequences. Global Avoid details and present the bigger picture. In Managing these people: Specific Tell the person in detail what needs to be done and ensure that there is a logical sequence. Do not expect them to think about the bigger picture Global Skip
the details and tell the person a broad overview. Tell them what the
end game is and then let them fill in the rest. Specific Next, then, precisely, exactly, specifically, first, second, details, Global Big picture, framework, in brief, result, generally, overview
People make decisions and are convinced for only one of four reasons:
Question?
How do you know what type of person they are? Why did you decide xyz? What their response will tell you: Looks right people do things because the representation that they make to themselves is a picture that literally looks right. They will use visual words when describing their decision Feel right people do things because the respresentation they make to themselves is a sensation in some part of their body which literally feels right. They use kinaesthetic words when describing their decision Sounds right people do things because the respresentation they make to themselves is a series of words which literally sounds right to them. They will use auditory words when describing their decision Makes sense people do things because the respresentation they make to themselves is based on logic which in their own mind they know is correct. They will use auditory words when describing their decision and they will use facts, data and reason. Using this in the real world: In Negotiations with these people: Us the appropriate language patterns that match their decision process. If providing learning materials make sure it is appropriate for that person – i.e pictures, diagrams, facts, data etc In Managing these people: Looks right Paint a picture in words for them. Draw a picture to explain things. Let them imagine something. Show them how to do it. Feels right Have
them internally sense what they have to do. Let them get their hands
on the task under supervision and touch, feel and experience what needs
to be done Have them describe to themselves in internal dialogue in an appropriate tone of voice what they are supposed to do. Tell them things. Tell them what others say. Makes sense Give them reasons for what you want them to do. Let them read instructions on how to do the job. Give them facts, statistics and data. Influencing language Appropriate to how they make their decisions. (We are going to look into this in greater detail in the next chapter)
ELICITING META-PROGRAMMES
Now that you have seen what makes up each of the Meta programmes, what preferences do you have? Take time out and have a read through each again and write down below what your own Meta programmes are for your self-awareness and why? Towards/Away Frame of Reference Sameness/Difference Reason Chunk Size Convincer
From now on listen very hard to your colleagues and friends and elicit their meta programmes. Write these down and then formulate of strategy of how best to communicate to that person. PART 3 - COMMUNICATING WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Get Yourself Listed In Our Online Coach Directory! ONLY 1,000 COACHES ALLOWED Which means MORE CLICKS, MORE ATTENTION, MORE QUALITY Your Details Will Not Be BURIED Along With 10,000 Other Coaches On This Site! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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